بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ, لَا تَنْفُذُوْنَ اِلَّا بِسُلْطٰنٍ
My friends asked me sometimes “How on earth are you reading that many books in a month? Oh, you’re just showing off. Do you even read them at all?” My dude, I live in my own office. I cut down on most of the common necessities. I cut down commuting time for example, back and forth. When people are commuting, I read. I cut down on being tired, too, I can hit the bed whenever I want. My bedroom is just another floor away, and there’s my bookshelf too, so figure that one out. I cut down lunch and dinner time. When some others are busy getting food somewhere else, I read. I eat too, but we all have office boys (and gals) don’t we? So yeah, I had all the time I need.
Within the perks of having a nice, full year of reading, you also get a lot of me-time. I didn’t meet friends that often. I didn’t hang out a lot, well, I did sometimes, but mostly with the family. The byproduct is that I have less and lesser friends as the months go by. A lot of times it became too much as it gradually transformed into isolation. Honestly, most of the time I’d have no complaints. It is good, some people complained for not having free time to spend the day by themselves. I can say that I, once, even had the chance to have a month just to myself. Isolation became my lifestyle and I totally devoured the opportunity. I won’t touch on the details, but that ultimately leading to my discovery to the power in singularity; minimizing reliance from people.
One day I even decided to give Daniel Sloss’ “Jigsaw” a try. Sloss is an Irish comedian. That particular Netflix show made quite the impression to my perspective about having a relationship. Every bit came down easily because I was too self-absorbent when the show came out not long ago. It was meant to be a casual Monday night burn, you know. I ordered some take aways, chasing office deadlines up to midnight, then my belly would fail me and I’d warm those take aways, eat them while chilling with Netflix. My brother was fast asleep, I was worried I’d woke him up laughing. Turns out I was the one awakened, and not in a jolly way. When people watch the episode they’ll know why.
The baby step of singularity is secrecy, and I had been practicing it ever since I kept a journal routine. Just a few months ago I found my old journal, the one I wrote back in 2012. That red, little hardcover Moleskine daily journal was under a blanket of dusts it has collected over the years, as you might imagine. Keeping a journal routine is an unconventional and thoughtful way of chronicling life. In addition, thinking about the past while reading your own writing is a remarkable feeling. I’ve always wanted to construct what I want to be in a few years time. And apparently, 6 years ago within my journal I wrote to my future self exactly these words:
“Mas 2018/2019/2020, jangan banyak sok bengong. Sudah jadi polyglot belum? Gimana kabar Ed Sheeran? Sudah nonton konsernya belum?
Sudah selesai novella “Crown”nya?
gimana dengan novel “Land’s End”nya? Mungkin sudah mau sequel?
“Hearthunt” sudah cukup kah riset novellanya?
Pasti sekarang sudah makin pintar dan bijak menanggap masalah dan makin pintar memilah dan memilih, ya. Insya Allah urusan yang lagi gemuruh ini Aku dan Allah yang tanggung dan urus, Mas. 21 tahun kayaknya udah cukup senda guraunya, mesti mulai dengan banting tulangnya.”
“Aku titip janjinya, Mas. Semoga kapsul waktunya tidak sia sia.”
I quit the journal after that entry, and no, I haven’t finished the books. That day was the day I received news that the family business was having an unrgent issue. I needed to get my act together and focus on succeeding the family company. There was no time to waste, not even for the journal.
Anger and pity are two of the most valuable faces of lesson we are sentenced in life. I think it is wise to document them, because even pain deserve to have its written form. Choices made in anger cannot be undone and sadness in perpetuity is mortality. But when it came towards the part that you were writing about sadness, you can’t help but feel like you owe a tremendous amount of sorry to your past self.
“He was just a kid,” I thought, just sinking the words to myself. But then you’ll feel even more sorry had regretful things not happened at all. Self pity is weakness’s sombre disguise.
Initially, I wanted only to be good at writing and chronicle the past, starting off the journal. After reading so many good books, reading and writing became my obsession.
If you haven’t already, I implore you to begin writing a journal. It is an amazing feeling, being able to connect to your past. Looking at regrets and sadness that occurred a long time ago suddenly became plain humor.
Singularity and journaling are two of my most effective methods of aging without rust. Those, alongside little conversations and laughter with a diverse bunch of adversaries. Speaking about adversaries, in a world assembled with social media magnet, it is imperative to be constantly better. Forging on with singularity, there’s no way to top that. Being the better version of ourselves becomes a more than just a virtue.
People compare with others. People post good stuff online and it’s always the best stuff that they have. Obviously I do that, too. But I realized that I’m a bit too competitive and don’t always feel good when others are successful. It is not that I hate when others are more successful, I am afraid that it will make me stray from my forte and goals.Once I just looked at one, it is like a domino effect, so I stopped watching other people’s Instagram stories then, even quitting Facebook and Twitter. The result was not bad, actually. I became more self-aware. Maybe this sounds a little excessive, but hey, it worked. At the end of the day, what works for most people might not always work for you, my dude.
2018 is outrageously ambitious. I had a lot of goals, and unfortunately, not even half of them were realized. Well, it is a little bit unfair to say that actually, some of them were generated in the middle. But I have finally understood my means to an end (however temporary that could be and if so, rest assured I’ll have another) which in the end, I deemed enough to close the year.
2018 is about getting even. 2019 is about getting even better. 2019 will be a harder year to crack, not just because my world has shifted plane. But because it will be the year with more challenges, not only in the way I work my passion and forte, but also in the way I improve my thinking process, Imaan, and courage.
Everything we are going through is preparing us for what we asked for.
Semper fidelis, fortis fortuna adiuvat.